Just when you figure you’ve seen it all, something else comes your way.  Now!  I’m not much of a digger, but I’ve gotta tell ya, this is one regulation that’ll knock your socks off.  Read it & weep!  But, be sure to ENJOY!

December 2009

MUD MOLESTATION ORDINANCE

In light of the current regulatory trends facing the Town of “ Cushing, we submit the following Mud Molestation Ordinance in order to enhance and maintain property rights of residents and non-residents alike.  Our goal is to preserve the scenic beauty of the Town; generate additional revenues; protect the inherent rights of shorefront property owners, and put an end to Mud Molestation.

ORDINANCE JUSTIFICATION: A significant problem has arisen regarding Clam Harvesters.  Mud is being molested daily.  Property rights have been violated.  Scenic views are being contaminated.  Noise pollution is rampant.  Parking has become a problem, congesting roadways.  Tax revenue is lost.  Clam Harvester’s social etiquette devalues shorefront property.  Therefore, in order to protect the rural and aesthetic beauty of our Town we submit the following:

Article I:  Amend: Shoreline Zoning Ordinance

a.      Shorefront property owners shall hence forth extend property rights to the mean low water mark of the Spring and/or Fall ebb tide, which ever is greatest.

Article II: Mud Molestation

a.      Hence forth, no Clam Harvester shall pick, rake, dig upon another’s Mud without first 1). Obtaining a Mud Molestation Permit from the Town Office 2). Entering into a Contractual Agreement with the shorefront property owner, paying said property owner for the right to molest his and/or her Mud and 4). Maintain orderly conduct befitting a Maine Rural Clam Harvester (2010 Ordinance in process).

b.      The Rural and Aesthetic quality of the Mud must at all times be maintained as follows:

1.      Upon picking, digging and/or raking or otherwise Molesting Mud each scar in the Mud must be returned to it’s original state and/or condition.  This will preserve the beauty of the Mud for the shorefront property owner and of course, enhance the value of said property owner’s land.

2.      Restorative Mud tools will be supplied by the Clam Harvester at his or her expense.

3.      Mud restoration is to be completed 2.573 hours before the onset of high tide.

c.      The shorefront property owner maintains the right to inspect his and/or her Mud as he and/or she deems fit.  This inherent right implies the right to:

1.      accept and/or reject the Clam Harvester’s Mud restoration efforts without fear of bodily harm, reprisals and/or threats of death.

2.      challenge the efforts the Clam Harvester in a Maine Court of Law, as per the Mud Molestation Contractual Arrangement, established between said Clam Harvester and shorefront property owner.

3.      refer to Cushion’s Scenic and Aesthetic Beauty Ordinance for further insight and direction (pending Ordinance 2010).

Article III: Town Jurisdiction and Permitting

a.      The Town will set permit fees based upon Mud Quality reports ($50 per annum) obtained by way of the Mud Molestation Committee.

b.      The Town will also formulate permit fees ($125.25 per annum) based upon Property Tax Valuation and the estimated Mud Improvement Restoration, that is, the increased property value for the shorefront property owner.

c.      The Town also hereby expunges itself from liability in the case of death, fire and/or bodily injury to the shorefront property owner, should said circumstance arise as a result of Contractual disagreements between the parties involved.

The originators of the Mud Molestation Ordinance believe the Town’s acceptance of said Ordinance will serve to protect all, thereby establishing a mutually beneficial understanding between residents and non-residents alike.  It is an essential step to preserve Cushion’s rural nature, riding on the wave of a promising future for all.

.Thank you for your time and consideration in this effort.

Join Us Today

GO FIGURE?

A Cushion Research Association Project

C.R.A.P. also supports the recent Maine Lobster Promotion Council’s initiative regarding “EcoLobster” and the regulation of environmentally safe, “Certifiably” Sane, Lobster Harvesting methodology.  We endorse the promotion of a healthier Maine Lobster for consumer consumption.

Holding tanks for bilge discharge, exhaust noise suppressors, mandatory recycling containers on all wharfs and non-toxic bait storage & disposal will all be addressed in our forthcoming EcoLobster Ordinance (2009).  Stick with us folks!  Join us today!  We will make the difference for an environmentally friendly & neighborly Town of Cushing.

A Regulated Town is a Neighborly Town.